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Next time the Judge is going to make you play ‘Mother may I’

By June 12, 2006Uncategorized

MSNBC reports: "A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree
on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle
their latest dispute with a game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’” 

Time for a quick recap of why we have litigation and a court system.  Long ago when primitive societies were forming (during the hunter-gatherer phase), social disputes tended to threaten the tribe’s existence.  How? 

Well, if ace-hunter Thag and his ace-hunting companion, Krog, got into a vicious fight and killed each other the tribe’s food supply would be in immediate jeopardy.  Even lesser disputes had a deleterious effect on the tribe.  So they developed a legal system to arbitrate these disagreements.  It took a while, but eventually we convinced Thag and Krog not to hit each other.  Many years have passed and society has changed, as has the legal system.  I think it’s clear that we are entering the phase where it is more disruptive to have disagreements addressed in the legal system. 

Hell, when a federal judge has to tell the attorneys to use a child’s game to resolve their disputes then you know the system is completely broken.  I say we go back to letting Thag and Krog pound each other.  Or better yet, let them pound the lawyers.

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  • Chuck says:

    I took the opportunity to read the motion, and skim the rest of the file as well. Saying the lawyers were acting like children is being charitable to these two.

  • el stevo says:

    Yet another reason I am so happy to not be involved with litigation.

  • Bill W. says:

    Actually, I think the judge hit on with a brilliant idea–it’s not the way in which the dispute gets resolved, it’s the way he’s telling the lawyers that they are acting like children.

    Both of these attorneys should be ashamed. I downloaded and read the motion that inspired the judge’s order. The attorneys were unable to agree on where a deposition should be held, so one asked the judge to decide. He declined the invitation.

    Of course, what’s really going on here is these two icons of inanity are just arguing over whose equipment (ahem, body parts or maybe SUVs) is bigger.

  • Casey says:

    Put the parties in a large room with baseball bats. Turn out the lights. Come back in 20 minutes. Whoever is still standing wins the suit. That’s what an old experienced attorney use to say when I was beginning. I now understand him.

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