My political concession speech

Way to go guys!  Let’s never let up.  Let’s keep reminding people outside of the State of Louisiana that we don’t do things to help ourselves, so why should anyone else help us?  Bill Jefferson would never have gotten re-elected in any other state besides Louisiana.  Here’s what we know about ‘Dollar Bill.’  He had $90,000 in cash in his refrigerator when the F.B.I. came to search his house as part of an investigation that has led to guilty pleas by a couple of his close aides. 

Two things haven’t happened yet. First, he hasn’t been indicted.
But, more importantly, we haven’t yet heard his ‘explanation’ of what
he was doing with such a substantial amount of cash in his house.  I,
along with a lot of other people, don’t need to hear an explanation
because it’s obvious he was doing something really shady.  Some people,
however, think ‘the man’ was out to get him.  But note that he doesn’t
deny that the money was his and that he put it there.  Some people
allow their passions to rule their views, with the result that their
views are seriously flawed.

Speaking of serious flaws, Jefferson was once a powerful political
figure in Washington but he’s not now, and won’t be again anytime
soon.  So for those of you that voted for him because you think that he
was wrongly accused of taking bribes, you have officially given up any
right to expect post-Katrina help from outside our State.  You may
already gotten more than you deserve.  But, on behalf of your fellow
citizens, I thank you for making it harder for those who still don’t
have what they need or deserve to get help.

And to those of you who didn’t vote at all because local Sheriff Harry Lee told you he didn’t like Karen Carter’s statements to Spike Lee,
same thing applies. Your petty disenchantment with one statement by a
Karen Carter, will allow your district to be represented by someone who
has no power whatsoever. He had power but it was taken away because his
fellow politicians accept that he has disgraced himself.  But what did
we do here in Louisiana? Let him stay in office so he can get paid to
do nothing except hang around Washington and pretend to matter.

Good job!  Thank you.  Thank you very much.  There are so many of
you to thank that I can’t possibly thank you each individually, but you
all know who you are.

Now, let’s not lose momentum.  Kathleen Blanco will be up for
re-election in a few years and we’ll want to make sure to complete the
job. Let’s never lose ground and let’s never lose our focus on what
really matters most.  Let’s help our most incompetent and/or corrupt
politicians drive this State into the ground.  Let’s get out there and
say provocative things, and vote like morons (or not vote like
morons) and finish the job that Mother Nature started.  Let’s not let
people around the country forget how we really are: an
independent-minded group of folks who blame outsiders for building poor
levees but continue to re-elect incompetent and corrupt leaders.

"Hey, if it don’t matter to us, then why should we matter to anyone
else?"   Let’s be proud.  And let’s be loud.  And let’s all drown
together in a cauldron of ignorance and shame.

That’s my concession speech, for what it’s worth.   But, unlike
Karen Carter, I wouldn’t deliver it with a big old smile on my face.
No doubt another reason why I could never be successful in politics.